sorry

sorry
for making out my mind and make this decision
i had think about our relationship for the past 5 days
no, it mean for the past 5 months
it's really gonna stop here
and wont be continue anymore...

don't waste your time for begging me anymore
it's not worth
and it wont change my mind of doing this

i know this is hurt for u
me either
but there's no other choices to choose
we are from different world
yet different kind of people
your lifestyle
your hobby
your motive
are totally different from mine
and so does mine

love isn't that easy
we love each other and we really meant it
but somehow
we can't live together
i can't go into your world and you can't go into mine
i really tried hard for this-
go into your world,
make friend with your friends,
tried to like something you like,
and tried to be with you everyday,
so that we could go for even longer
but it's really useless
at last,
i still in my own world and you are in yours
we are still be with our very own friends and do for our very own business
there's no any related between mine and your life
this type of relationship is totally meaningless for me
sorry

we wont get any longer with this
i should stop this relationship long time ago
i thought i could change this and i gave us many chances
but at last
it's still the same...
these days
i think about it again
should there be any chances?
no, a big no NO NO
no doubt

yes
i did really care for the past
because that's the 1st time you cheated me
GOD help me to find out the truth myself
i found a blog accidentally and that lead me to the moment
for the days im not here...
and gave me up just for the date you had already plan earlier..
before that, i knew nothing
it's really hurts me
this already past and there's no need for me to mention it here, now
i don't want to care whose wrong & whose right anymore
but there's a scar there
a deep scar
maybe you are too perfect for me before that
and i can't accept when you done such a big mistake to me
i don't even know who are you contact with for being together for 2 years
i thought i'm the only one you contact with
but the truth is
i know nothing about your personal life
it's a failure and it's my fault
i can't blame any others

after that happening
i found myself can't trust you anymore
i even can't trust myself!
i suspect all the time and this really make us tired!!
i did console myself
but i really cant do it
sorry
it's my own problem
i found that i can't accept any love you gave anymore
so i choose to giving up this relationship...

i know you will be okay without me
at least, wont be worse
all you need is time & friends
to forget everything about us
i know you could do it someday

please do let me go
i really can't be with you anymore
and i wont happy be with you
i sad & frustrated all the time...
there's no need for you to prepare for my birthday
i know your heart
and that's already enough for me
save your money & energy for your own future
sorry again

last from me
i bless you...
we can't be friend anymore
it's hard for us
as i agreed of what your friend said
'' we cant be friend after broke up, because we hurt each other before''
''we cant be enemy, because we love each other before''
''we could only be strangers that know each other''
sorry for the last

sincerely
chloe tan

what love is

如果你不爱一个人,
请放手.
好让别人有机会爱她.

如果你爱的人放弃了你,
请放开自己,
好让自己有机会爱别人.


有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种 .
但别让自己为一种伤害.

有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,

爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.

男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.
女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.

如果真诚是一种伤害,
我选择谎言;

如果谎言一种伤害,
我选择沉默;

如果沉默是一种伤害,
我选择离开.

如果失去是苦，
你怕不怕付出 ,

如果迷乱是苦，
你会不会选择结束,

如果追求是苦，
你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,

如果分离是苦，
你要向谁倾诉,

好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!

...........

what had i done?????????
sigh...

must read!!!

一天女孩過生日，男孩子在她生日的聚會上送了她一只可愛的毛毛熊，
在各種生日禮物中，這根本算不上是禮物．
女孩有些生氣，也許更多的是憤怒，沒想到自己男朋友這麼小氣，
今天是她的生日，還來了這麼多朋友．
去年男孩在她生日的時候送了她一把很名貴的藏刀，
男孩發誓說，如果有一天他背叛了女孩，
女孩可以用刀劃破他的胸膛．

今年，兩個人一直在討論兩個人的未來，
這麼多朋友都來為女孩慶祝生日，
是男孩說在生日哪天會給女孩一個終生難忘的禮物．
結果似乎一切都出乎大家的以外，當然主要是女孩！
面對女孩憤怒的眼神，男孩只是壞壞的笑，這份禮物真的讓女孩終生難忘．
女孩在聚會中喝了很多酒，而男孩只是在旁邊静静的喝着可樂．

聚會結束，他們要回到自己的小家，
上了公路，女生一直很憤怒，一直在埋怨，
車的後排座放了很多名貴的禮物，當然還有那只毛毛熊.
女生開始抱怨男孩不愛她，不珍惜他們的愛，
男孩只是静静的開着車，什麼也沒有說，偶然會有一絲笑在臉上．

酒精在衝動的驅使下發作了．女孩吐了，
男孩靠邊停了車，
女孩大發脾氣，指責男孩給了她這樣一個不愉快的生日，說了一些很傷感情的事情，
男孩一直無語，只是一只手拿着紙巾，一只手拿着礦泉水．
女孩突然跑到了公路中間，
男孩沒有拉住她，兩個人就這樣在公路上拉扯着．
突然，一輛飛馳的快車直奔兩個人行駛過來，
男孩想都沒想的扔掉了手中的東西推開了女孩，
女孩的頭重重的摔到了地上...

等她蘇醒的時候，她已經躺在了醫院，頭上綁着繃帶．
那輛飛速行駛汽車的司機，証明是酒後駕車．
男孩被撞出了15米，
當救護車到的時候，他嘴裡一邊吐着血一直說着
〃别管我，看我女朋友怎麼樣？〃
到了醫院，男孩已經去了另一個世界，
他最後的一話是毛毛熊，毛毛熊在他的要求下，被醫護人員帶上了救護車，
他在這個世界上最後的一段路，就是這只小熊一直陪着他

女孩得知男孩離去的消息，一直在哭，哭的昏过去了好幾次．
一個有心的護士把小熊送到了她的枕邊．
女孩再一次從昏厥中醒來，看着小熊上邊有着男孩的血，似乎有着男孩的體温，
她緊緊的把它抱在了胸前，輕輕的摸着它．
突然摸一件很硬的東西，女孩從小熊的口袋裡摸出了一件東西，
一個戒指盒，裡面有一隻漂亮的鑽石戒指，
女孩看到這一切，切底崩潰了．
她拼命的哭，用力的撕着自己的頭髮和頭上的繃带，但是一切似乎都没有意義了．

女孩去了停屍間，那是的男孩身上的血跡已經被擦干，
他干干净净的，安詳的躺在那裡，嘴角還是有着一絲壞壞的笑，
女孩用手摸着男孩的頭，淚水從眼角劃落，她不想哭出聲，因為男孩不喜歡她哭...

女孩第二天就出院了，回到了他們曾經愛的港灣．
打開房門，她被眼前的一切嚇呆了，
房間裡滿是玫瑰，桌子上有一個大大的蛋糕，
旁邊的一個保温餐盒和一張卡片
打開餐盒裡面是她最愛喝的湯， 打開卡片裡面寫着：
嫁给我，你一輩子都不會後悔，你一輩子都會感覺温暖，我會一輩子讓你幸福，我會一直守侯在你的身邊，我會每天叫你起床，為你做你喜歡的早餐，送你上班,時刻惦記你，随時給你電話和信息，不讓孤獨的感覺伴隨你一時一刻,晚上我會接你下班，為你做晚飯，晚上讓你在我的懷中睡去後再静静睡去．家裡事情你做主，但是家務還是我來吧，我身體比較好點．如果應酬，我會在11點前回家，如果出差我會把你這幾天食物準備好，當然還有你愛吃的零食．其實愛情就是簡簡單單兩個人的幸福，我們的幸福才剛剛開始，希望……

女孩再也看不下去了，
她看到了房間裡仿佛滿使他們的歡聲笑語，滿是他們的蜜語甜言，
往日的情景一下子，涌入了她的心頭，她在自責，在懊悔，在埋怨……
想着到底是誰背叛了那曾經美好的東西．
曾經的幸福這個時候變的尖銳，曾經的歡笑這個時候變的灰色．

男孩火化的那天女孩沒有去，
女孩一個人静静的呆在他們愛的港灣，躺在他們經常做愛的床上，
看着他們出去旅游时的錄像，
輕輕的用去年生日哪天男孩送他那把藏刀割開了自己的手腕……
窗頭放着一張卡片：
親愛的我來了，沒有你的日子我好難過．是我錯了，你走的這幾天，我一直在回味我們在一起的日子，你的體温你的氣味你的壞笑和你做的飯，你是個騙子你說過一生守護我的，沒有你，一個人睡覺好冷的，沒有你做飯我肚子好餓，沒有你在身邊我好孤單，你慢點走，我來了，雖然你沒有實現你的承諾，但是我還是真的愛你，壞蛋我來了，慢點走，在前面等我，我來了……
.
.
.
.
.
戀愛中的朋友們。。好好珍惜吧。。也許這個世界沒有那麼完滿的愛．但是這個世界有着最愛你的人和你最愛的人．當最愛你的人和你最愛的人是一個人的時候，告訴你．你是幸福的，有些人往往是三角戀，也許你不懂我的愛．我想看了這篇日誌你應該明白點吧．呵呵 不說了 希望看完這篇日誌的人珍惜眼前的一切 不要因為一點小事鬧大架

71

im thinking of visiting you
thinking of how was i been when your last got sick
and how was you been when i got sick
but i know you wont welcome me for that

im suffer of hiding my own feeling in front of people
there is no way to release it out
im tired of forcing myself to be happy all the time
godknowswhy

the blog is only contain 50% of my real feeling
but it's still better than nothing
yea
i am nothing
and i got nothing here

i should start a new blog
to write my own feelings
the 100% ones
this time
no one can see bout it
since i've already get used to it to hide my own feelings
or just dont want to make people worry of me
LOL...am i thinking too much?
who cares? who is worrying of?
nobody would know how i feels from now on

regards
chloe tan

sux life @ kuantan

too much of things happen here

i had thinking too much
love too much
bother too much
care too much
hurts too much

no one can be trusted
no one can be shared
no one can be cared

im just someone who needs by nobody
here @ kuantan

i should leave here
leave this meaningless place
leave the people here
because
there isnt anything worth for me to stay down anymore
there isnt anyone who can sustain me
even my family

maybe
i shouldnt come kuantan 3 years ago
i shouldnt know you!!
it's all my fault!!
just disappear from my life
forever

a simple life

i would be happier

although im single
although i feels lonely sometimes
although i have nobody to accompany me even just for a movie
or for a tea
although i dont have place to go when lazy for studies

but at least

i dont need to care what somebody did
where somebody went
dont need to worry or care about somebody

im alone here
lonely till wanna vomit
wanna cry
but i have a simple life

i know you will live happier without me too
at least, u have lots of friends
who can accompany you to done something you like

in this blog
i had written too much thing of us
written too much of giving up post
but surely
this would be the last time we could break up
no more

i will kept this blog as a memory of us
although it contains lots of sad cases

dont think of me anymore
time passed everything
find a girl that can suite your life
i know you could find it one day

i bless you
sincerely
not just a rubbish

regards
chloe tan

post

10 meaningful sentences i found at my email

1st
如果我们之间有1000步的距离
你只要跨出第1步
我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步
　　
2nd
通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人
才是真正爱你的人
　　
3rd
付出真心　才会得到真心
却也可能伤得彻底
保持距离　就能保护自己
却也注定永远寂寞
　　
4th
有时候　不是对方不在乎你
而是你把对方看得太重
　　
5th
朋友就是把你看透了
还能喜欢你的人
　　
6th
就算是believe
中间也藏了一个lie
　　
7th
真正的好朋友
并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题
而是在一起　就算不说话
也不会感到尴尬
　　
8th
没有一百分的另一半
只有五十分的两个人
　　
9th
为你的难过而快乐的　是敌人
为你的快乐而快乐的　是朋友
为你的难过而难过的
就是那些　该放进心里的人
　　
10th
冷漠　有时候并不是无情
只是一种避免被伤害的工具

ended

envy of these couples

looking for Travis Tan Chin Boon & his gf, AiXia Shah, who is a mix parentage love each other so much. they are the one who i found have a lot of pictures at facebook. i think they are number 1 at it. envy. look for their love story, and their picture, they seems like happy everyday and have a same great smile on each faces on their pictures. looking for their blog, it's so lovely as i could say 'bless you' by myself. that's the most lovely couple i had ever seen so far.

but the problems coming. AiXia is a mix parentage who mix chinese and malay, in the other word, she is islamic. would Travis sacrifice himself, his family just to be together with her? im looking forward for it. i hope they would happily ever after and solve their problem as soon. =)


back to the main theme

someone told me, couple should be happy everyday, who will smile when think of each other

and another one did, every couple got their own problem, no one is perfect, the problem is could they face it?

last one, if they really love you, they wont let you to be unhappy everyday


for the 1st one, i answer: yes, that's right, maybe i have that feels a year ago. but no more now. some more, i got a feel of hateness for some reasons.

for the 2nd one, i answer: yeap, this is true too, but we didnt seems want to face the problems we had, and the main problem is, we couldnt solve the problem we got

for the last one, i answer: maybe is my own problem to unhappy about. he did make me happy, but it seems like it's once in a blue moon


and now, i ask myself
am i happy now?
what i want for the most?
what do i want him for?
what does me, as a gf meant to him?


1st, seriously, no

2nd, i just want a lovely, simple, happy relationship. but i know for us, it's hard than everything

3rd, i want something that he couldnt do forever, because that's his ambition and i hate it extraordinary. i mean the people there. i hate clubbers. and this would never changed. maybe i will go for club someday, but surely, im going with the feels of unhappy.

4th, i think, nothing. he wont find me for tea, wont find me for movie, wont find me for breakfast, lunch nor dinner, have his own fun with his friend, didnt have any plan for us. yes, another once in a blue moon. im just the one who annoy him and need him to accompany me all the time. maybe im just a so called 'gf', who accompany him when no one find him going out, not a gf when he's out. or maybe just a satisfier, who satisfied whatever he need. im nothing for him, except for the words 'this is my gf'.

lastly
i had decided to over this kind of relationship.
i decided it after 3 days of thinking whole night, sorry
i know you will see this post one day, maybe in a very short period of time

1st to tell you, dont need to do anything or delete any notification on facebook, coz it's a big network, i will see it even not from your account. and dont try to cheat anything, since i got no more relationship with you.

2nd, we are ended and don't even a friend, i dont think we could be friend since then. im not as generous as you thought. and maybe stranger is better for us to face each other next time we meet accidentally.

3rd, i know you will live better, and so does i. i prefer single. because, im still lonely even i have a bf. and at least, i dont need to bother bout someone that doesnt really care for my feeling. maybe, maybe you will treat me nicely, but i know, it only remain for 2 days or just simply 2 hours. i dont want a relationship like that. i would be happier if im single.

4th, for sure, this is not your fault but me. if you wanna told other something bad about me, just do it. and im sorry for the way i let go

today is 4th nov 2009
means that we had been together for 3 years and 2 months, no doubt
and this period of time will not increase anymore, it will remain for '3 years 2 months' since now, forever.
we are ended.

bye, sorry and take care

the ring had been taken out, and it wont back to it's original position anymore.

regards
chloe tan

i will survive

I'm sorry for the way i let go
Of everything i wanted when you came along
But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated
I know next to you is not where i belong

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt,
hands shiver,
so you will listen when i say baby

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word

There is no other way
I get the final say

Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say

I've already spoken
Our love is broken

First i was afraid i was petrified
Kept thinking i could never live without you by my side
But i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
But i grew strong
I learned how to carry on

Hush hush hush hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken

Oh no, not, i will survive
As long as i know how to love
I know i will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
But i'll survive
I will survive

There's no other way
I get the final say

I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say

I've already spoken
Our love is broken